Sorry for being tardy on posting these.
The other day my GF said " undress me with your words.... and I said "A spider just went down your bra"...............
Well I spent the rest of the day looking for a nonexistent spider................... but I did find a Tuna that may have eaten the spider and I ate the tuna.
A woman is shopping for a pet as a gift for her husband, but she is concerned that the prices that the Pet Shop are charging are very high. She goes to the clerk and explains her concern. "Well, I have a frog in the back that I can let you have for $50," the clerk says. "$50?" the woman replies. "That seems terribly expensive for a frog."
"Well, this frog is worth it. It's been trained to give blow jobs."
The woman is stunned, but because her husband loves this sort of sex, and because she is not particularly fond of it, she decides the frog might be a good investment. She buys the frog, brings it home, presents it to her husband, and explains its special value. The husband is skeptical, but promises he'll give the frog a try that night. The woman goes to sleep happily knowing she won't be bothered by her husband that night.
She is suddenly awakened by a clatter coming from the kitchen. She goes downstairs and finds the frog and her husband pulling out pots and pans and poring over cookbooks.
"What are you two doing down here?" she asks. Her husband responds, "If I can teach this frog to cook, you're out of here!"
I just got accepted in a porn movie role.
I'm the husband going to work.
Father ‘O Riley is walking along the canal one day.
As he rounds a corner , he sees Paddy fishing.
“To be sure Paddy. Is this not your wedding day. You should be at home - FN the wife”.
“I can’t be doing that father. She’s got gonorrhoea”.
“What about up the arse then son?”
“Well I can’t be doing that either father. She’s got diarrhoea”.
“Oh , sweet Jesus” , exclaimed the father - “What about a **** then Paddy?”
“Well I can’t be doing that either father. She’s got pyorrhoea”.
“Goodness Paddy. Why on Earth did you marry her?”
Paddy pointed to his fishing Rod , and replied.....................
Have a safe and healthy weekend. I'm going fishing down on Lake Cumberland tomorrow. Yeah!!!