This just in...Pitchforks & Torches* is back online selling high quality merchandise at super low prices.
Be sure to ask for the Kenyan King Kommerative Kollection which includes: 2, count them 2 torches!!! 1 - Pitchfork!!! 1 - Oversized suitcase for packing!!! Order before midnight and you'll receive either a pair of Mom Jeans OR all of Obama's speeches on an iPod!!!
BUT WAIT!
I know what you're thinking...anyone can get all that before midnight so why should I jump in and order it now? Well, if you order within the next hour we'll throw in a Greyhound Bus ticket to either the Canadian or Mexican border!!! That's right, you heard it correctly. You'll get the Kenyan King Kommerative Kollection, your choice of the Mom Jeans OR the speeches on an iPod as well as the bus ticket out of America!!!
ORDER NOW!!!
Operators are standing by @ 1-800-830-4590!!!
* Pitchforks & Torches is a LeHockeyDad LLC