1. LMFAO (no pun intended).
2. This may be the funniest post I've read all year.
3. Given that it comes at great expense to you, I should feel guilty about that. Somehow I can't. Maybe in a few days I will.
4. I'm having trouble seeing through the tears to type this.
5. I think if this ever happens to me, I'm going to make sure I bring a sidearm to the appointment. About the time she opens the door, I'd say it's time for me to just check out and avoid the humiliation.
6. Tight sphincter. I take it you've never served time in a PMITA prison. MAC? Can you help out wounded BOTL with a weekend in the pokey? Oops, I mean in the jail? May be able to save him the cost and pain of surgery. He might even make a special friend.
7. I'll bet your co-pay is asstronomical.
8. This probably isn't a good time to recount the story of when I had to get ultrasound on my balls to make sure a scary lump wasn't cancer (it wasn't, just a temporary inflamation) and how cute the young girl doing the testing was, and that my insurance paid for it, and that you haven't lived until you've had that wand swiped over your balls, which they coat in gel first, and the testing doesn't hurt, is it? OK, didn't think so.
9. Did you say Enlarger Medical Center? Maybe when you're getting your donut on the back door, you can get them to add a little to the front porch, if you know what I mean.
10. If nothing else, your possible plans to become a drug mule for a Mexican cartel have either taken a very positive turn or a very negative turn. I really don't want to know which turns out to be the case.
11. I've got an email out to ScottHar. We're trying to sign Dr. Moore to a video deal. You don't need to worry. You'll be under anesthetic for your part.
12 Re: never getting to poop. Have you ever tricked your dog to getting into the car, acting excited like he's going somewhere fun, then taken him to the vet instead? This may be kharma shoving a fist into your posterior.
13. Still trying to feel bad about finding this so humorous. It's not happening.