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Krazeehorse Offline
#201 Posted: Fri, Nov 17 2023, 8:51 AM EST
Joined: 04-09-2010
Posts: 1,958
Applause Alfred!!
MACS Offline
#202 Posted: Fri, Nov 17 2023, 11:36 AM EST
Joined: 02-26-2004
Posts: 79,789
A pessimist sees a dark tunnel. An optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel. A realist sees a freight train.

The train driver wonders why 3 morons are standing on the tracks.
Gene363 Offline
#203 Posted: Wed, Nov 29 2023, 6:24 PM EST
Joined: 01-24-2003
Posts: 30,819
The Inventor of Pop Rocks:


Sugar is not good enough, it should also detonate.
Gene363 Offline
#204 Posted: Thu, Nov 30 2023, 4:41 PM EST
Joined: 01-24-2003
Posts: 30,819
Remember when Pop Rocks used to be popular?

Sad, they kind of fizzled out.
Gene363 Offline
#205 Posted: Thu, Nov 30 2023, 4:45 PM EST
Joined: 01-24-2003
Posts: 30,819
Sally said:

I always associate my late uncle with the Pop Rocks

Both exploded in my mouth...
Gene363 Offline
#206 Posted: Thu, Nov 30 2023, 8:13 PM EST
Joined: 01-24-2003
Posts: 30,819
I have a friend who writes music about sewing machines.

He's a singer/songwriter.

Or, sew it seams.
Gene363 Offline
#207 Posted: Thu, Dec 7 2023, 10:33 AM EST
Joined: 01-24-2003
Posts: 30,819

I've started investing in stocks. Beef, chicken, and vegetable...



One day Ihope to be a bouillonaire.
Gene363 Offline
#208 Posted: Thu, Dec 7 2023, 11:03 AM EST
Joined: 01-24-2003
Posts: 30,819
I forgot how to wite 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in roman numerals.

I M LI VI D
MidnightToker( • )( • ) Offline
#209 Posted: Thu, Dec 7 2023, 3:54 PM EST
Joined: 10-20-2023
Posts: 831
I'm into fitness
Fit Ness pizza in my mouth
MidnightToker( • )( • ) Offline
#210 Posted: Thu, Dec 7 2023, 3:56 PM EST
Joined: 10-20-2023
Posts: 831
I changed the color and font and it didn't change. What's the secret?
MACS Offline
#211 Posted: Thu, Dec 7 2023, 4:01 PM EST
Joined: 02-26-2004
Posts: 79,789
MidnightToker( • )( • ) wrote:
I changed the color and font and it didn't change. What's the secret?


We can't give away our secrets!
MidnightToker( • )( • ) Offline
#212 Posted: Thu, Dec 7 2023, 4:03 PM EST
Joined: 10-20-2023
Posts: 831
TEST
Lol. I tried putting it before, after, and both
MACS Offline
#213 Posted: Thu, Dec 7 2023, 5:09 PM EST
Joined: 02-26-2004
Posts: 79,789
MidnightToker( • )( • ) wrote:
TEST
Lol. I tried putting it before, after, and both


Write out what you want to write in the post. Highlight what you wrote as if you're going to copy/paste.

While it is highlighted... select your color. Or select your size Or both...

(In my best Yosemite Sam voice... "He ain't real bright!")
BuckyB93 Offline
#214 Posted: Thu, Dec 7 2023, 5:13 PM EST
Joined: 07-16-2004
Posts: 14,194
MidnightToker( • )( • ) wrote:
TEST
Lol. I tried putting it before, after, and both



It works like this

[ b][color = green] It works like this[ /color][/ b]
spaces above were put in there intentionally so you see how it's coded, the [color = green] starts the green color and the [/ color] stops the color. the [ b] starts bold and [/ b] ends it. The same form is similar when changing the font size, italics, underline or highlight and so on.

Yours looks like this
[color= darkblue][/ color][size= 7][/ size]TEST[color =darkblue][/ color][size= 7][/ size]
Lol. I tried putting it before, after, and both

So your post starts and stop the color and the font size change without having the words between start and stopping the color and font size changes. (again spaces put in intentionally so it wouldn't do it and you could see the syntax)

Quote any of the messages that have the font changed and you can see it like the computer sees it.
Ram27 Offline
#215 Posted: Thu, Dec 7 2023, 5:22 PM EST
Joined: 04-30-2005
Posts: 49,025
MAC nailed it!Applause
BuckyB93 Offline
#216 Posted: Thu, Dec 7 2023, 5:28 PM EST
Joined: 07-16-2004
Posts: 14,194
Ram27 wrote:
MAC nailed it as if he was a dog in heat =d>


You can also edit peoples posts that you are quoting (although dogs in heat are looking to get nailed rather than do the nailing).
MidnightToker( • )( • ) Offline
#217 Posted: Thu, Dec 7 2023, 6:00 PM EST
Joined: 10-20-2023
Posts: 831
When I highlight the text I can't tap the font color or text to change it without removing the highlight so that's not possible. The only way I can do it is select font or size then add the text in between the start and stop syntaxes.
I'm pretty tech savvy so it's not me. u guys may be using a different OS or browser
deadeyedick Offline
#218 Posted: Thu, Dec 7 2023, 6:04 PM EST
Joined: 03-13-2003
Posts: 17,097
[quote=MidnightToker( • )( • )What?[/quote]
MidnightToker( • )( • ) Offline
#219 Posted: Thu, Dec 7 2023, 6:06 PM EST
Joined: 10-20-2023
Posts: 831
I figured out a way to do it by manipulating the syntax commands
Gene363 Offline
#220 Posted: Thu, Dec 7 2023, 8:16 PM EST
Joined: 01-24-2003
Posts: 30,819
MidnightToker( • )( • ) wrote:
I changed the color and font and it didn't change. What's the secret?


Huh?
MidnightToker( • )( • ) Offline
#221 Posted: Thu, Dec 7 2023, 9:33 PM EST
Joined: 10-20-2023
Posts: 831
Gene363 wrote:


Huh?

Wha?
BuckyB93 Offline
#222 Posted: Thu, Dec 7 2023, 9:54 PM EST
Joined: 07-16-2004
Posts: 14,194
MidnightToker( • )( • ) wrote:
I figured out a way to do it by manipulating the syntax commands


Just paint over the text to change the color or whatever with the pull down menu to change it to different colors, size and stuff. You don't have to type in the syntax stuff, and stuff
BuckyB93 Offline
#223 Posted: Thu, Dec 7 2023, 10:03 PM EST
Joined: 07-16-2004
Posts: 14,194
Gene363 wrote:

Huh? A friend of mine bagged a deer on Monday. A small one. Deer hunting season is in season here in MA. He thought it was a doe but it turned out to be a stubby buck. He had to register it as a doe since, I guess, if the antlers are less then 3" they are qualified as a doe.
Krazeehorse Offline
#224 Posted: Wed, Jan 10 2024, 5:29 PM EST
Joined: 04-09-2010
Posts: 1,958
A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.
Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the
freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything,
but...

"Something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is,
your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance
compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new
willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the
thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch."

The man perks up at this.

"So," the doctor says, "It's for you to decide how many inches you want.
But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you
had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she
might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide
only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's
important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision."

The man agrees to talk with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day. "So," says the doctor, "have you
spoken with your wife?"

"I have," says the man.

"And what is the decision?" asks the doctor.

"We're getting granite countertops."
Gene363 Offline
#225 Posted: Wed, Jan 10 2024, 5:50 PM EST
Joined: 01-24-2003
Posts: 30,819
At least she chose something rock hard.
Gene363 Offline
#226 Posted: Wed, Jan 10 2024, 10:36 PM EST
Joined: 01-24-2003
Posts: 30,819
"Meow" in cat means Woof! in dog.
Gene363 Offline
#227 Posted: Wed, Jan 24 2024, 7:18 PM EST
Joined: 01-24-2003
Posts: 30,819

"Cows kill more people than sharks."



"I'm surprised cows kill any sharks at all."
Gene363 Offline
#228 Posted: Thu, Feb 22 2024, 6:08 PM EST
Joined: 01-24-2003
Posts: 30,819
Read this one today:

My wife walked in the house, slammed her shit down and started ranting about everything imaginable.

Our nine year old daughter walks in and said, "Who lit the fuse on your Tampon?"

I had to step outside so I didn't get slapped for laughing...
BuckyB93 Offline
#229 Posted: Thu, Feb 22 2024, 9:39 PM EST
Joined: 07-16-2004
Posts: 14,194
I was driving down the road the other day. I saw my ex-wife in the other lane...

The mental phrase "I'd hit that" has a different meaning in certain circumstances.
Gene363 Offline
#230 Posted: Fri, Feb 23 2024, 12:31 PM EST
Joined: 01-24-2003
Posts: 30,819
Dave Chappelle meeting Jim Carrey.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxUDd6rOS38

Do watch to the end.
MidnightToker( • )( • ) Offline
#231 Posted: Fri, Mar 15 2024, 6:40 PM EST
Joined: 10-20-2023
Posts: 831
Pope dies. When he gets to the pearly gates no one is there so he knocks...a while later Saint Peter arrives, let's him in, and tells him where the bunks are.

The next morning he awakens to the sound of golden trumpets. He looks out the window, and sees the road leading up to the gates lined with angels. Coming down the road was a convertible Cadillac. Sitting up on the back seat was a man with buxom blondes around each arm, a bottle of bourbon in one hand, and a cigar in the other.

The pope goes to St. Peter who is patiently waiting at the gates for the man in the Cadillac. The pope asks him "My dear Saint Peter, who is this man who commands such a lovely entrance to heaven? I was the leader of the largest religion on earth and I had to knock."
St. Peter replies "He's a marine. We got lots of Pope's here, we've never had a Marine before"
8trackdisco Offline
#232 Posted: Sun, Mar 17 2024, 9:14 AM EST
Joined: 11-06-2004
Posts: 60,078
What is brown, and rhymes with Snoop?





























Dr. Dre.
MidnightToker( • )( • ) Offline
#233 Posted: Sun, Mar 17 2024, 12:30 PM EST
Joined: 10-20-2023
Posts: 831
What sexual position makes the ugliest babies?


























Ask your parents
Gene363 Offline
#234 Posted: Sun, Mar 17 2024, 3:04 PM EST
Joined: 01-24-2003
Posts: 30,819
Woman:

"They are beautiful flowers, but now I'll be expected to spend the weekend on back with my legs in the air."




Flower Delivery Guy:

"Don't you have a vase?"


Visual:

https://www.fnforum.net/cdn-cgi/image/format=auto,onerror=redirect,width=1920,height=1920,fit=scale-down/https://www.fnforum.net/attachments/img_2047-jpeg.186965/
MACS Offline
#235 Posted: Thu, Mar 21 2024, 1:45 PM EST
Joined: 02-26-2004
Posts: 79,789
Hey "cougars"? It takes more than being over 40 or 50...

You need your own house, money, and a good credit score... otherwise you're just a stray cat.

LOL
Gene363 Offline
#236 Posted: Thu, Mar 21 2024, 2:32 PM EST
Joined: 01-24-2003
Posts: 30,819
MACS wrote:
Hey "cougars"? It takes more than being over 40 or 50...

You need your own house, money, and a good credit score... otherwise you're just a stray cat.

LOL


LOL LOL LOL

As a cougar hunter once said:

Cougar Hunter: "She's great"

Me: "Good looking?"

Cougar Hunter: "No, but she has a big purse."
jespear Offline
#237 Posted: Sun, Mar 24 2024, 10:01 AM EST
Joined: 03-19-2004
Posts: 9,464
A farmer decides to play a joke on his chickens.
After the Easter Egg Hunt is over, he gathers up all the extra Easter Eggs, goes into the hen house, and replaces all the freshly laid eggs with the Easter Eggs.
A few minutes later, the rooster goes in, and sees all the brightly colored eggs in the coop.
He runs out of the hen house, grabs the peacock, and beats the schittt out of him.
MidnightToker( • )( • ) Offline
#238 Posted: Sun, Mar 24 2024, 12:47 PM EST
Joined: 10-20-2023
Posts: 831
^good one
MidnightToker( • )( • ) Offline
#239 Posted: Sun, Mar 24 2024, 2:45 PM EST
Joined: 10-20-2023
Posts: 831
Gilbert Gottfried reading the lyrics to a Cardi B song

NSFW

https://youtu.be/lXV_jdYfnDE?si=M2OeWcf99Z46wzyO
DrMaddVibe Offline
#240 Posted: Sun, Mar 24 2024, 3:27 PM EST
Joined: 10-21-2000
Posts: 55,440
MidnightToker( • )( • ) wrote:
Gilbert Gottfried reading the lyrics to a Cardi B song

NSFW

https://youtu.be/lXV_jdYfnDE?si=M2OeWcf99Z46wzyO



I miss him.

Everyone wants James Earl Jones or Morgan Freeman to narrate their lifestory. I always favored Gilbert or Bobcat Goldthwait. Just to laugh at the reaction of the room.
MidnightToker( • )( • ) Offline
#241 Posted: Sun, Mar 24 2024, 6:08 PM EST
Joined: 10-20-2023
Posts: 831
Sorry this one is better because it doesn't have the annoying music

https://youtu.be/xZhe6vRnAKs?si=7edescCN-K-HESaI
deadeyedick Offline
#242 Posted: Wed, Mar 27 2024, 11:36 AM EST
Joined: 03-13-2003
Posts: 17,097
In my house I'm treated like a god. Totally ignored until someone needs something.
Gene363 Offline
#243 Posted: Wed, Mar 27 2024, 1:36 PM EST
Joined: 01-24-2003
Posts: 30,819
deadeyedick wrote:
In my house I'm treated like a god. Totally ignored until someone needs something.



Applause Applause Applause
8trackdisco Offline
#244 Posted: Wed, Mar 27 2024, 1:37 PM EST
Joined: 11-06-2004
Posts: 60,078
deadeyedick wrote:
In my house I'm treated like a god. Totally ignored until someone needs something.


Smile
MidnightToker( • )( • ) Offline
#245 Posted: Thu, Mar 28 2024, 1:40 PM EST
Joined: 10-20-2023
Posts: 831
deadeyedick wrote:
In my house I'm treated like a god. Totally ignored until someone needs something.

Good'n
MidnightToker( • )( • ) Offline
#246 Posted: Thu, Mar 28 2024, 1:43 PM EST
Joined: 10-20-2023
Posts: 831
Since it's Easter:

Man 1: "OH my lord! Look! It's Jesus!

Man 2: "No way"

Man 1: "Yahweh"
MidnightToker( • )( • ) Offline
#247 Posted: Thu, Mar 28 2024, 5:02 PM EST
Joined: 10-20-2023
Posts: 831
Told a joke during a zoom meeting and no one laughed.

Turns out I'm not even remotely funny.
MidnightToker( • )( • ) Offline
#248 Posted: Thu, Mar 28 2024, 5:05 PM EST
Joined: 10-20-2023
Posts: 831
Bought my pet rabbit a treadmill.

It's a little fit bunny.


Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

Because they're so good at it.


How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
MACS Offline
#249 Posted: Sat, Mar 30 2024, 9:38 AM EST
Joined: 02-26-2004
Posts: 79,789
What's the difference between pfizer and Kyle Rittenhouse?

Rittenhouse's 3 shots actually worked.

LOL
8trackdisco Offline
#250 Posted: Sat, Mar 30 2024, 10:09 AM EST
Joined: 11-06-2004
Posts: 60,078
MACS wrote:
What's the difference between pfizer and Kyle Rittenhouse?

Rittenhouse's 3 shots actually worked.

LOL



Eh? Cool
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