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Last post 6 years ago by itsawaldo. 44 replies replies.
Hank_The_Tank is gone!
Mrs_Hank_the_tank Offline
#1 Posted:
Joined: 04-03-2017
Posts: 3
So lately my husband hasn't been quite himself. I attributed most of it to stress. He's usually kind, attentive, and confident in himself. He's a strong, powerful man, and a sentient lover. When he makes love, he has a way of making a girl feel like a princess and a whore, all at the same time. It's intoxicating. But lately he's been distant, almost detached.

Well last night we were halfway through a second hour of marathon love making when ol' hung-hank said he needed a break. Uncharacteristic of him, no doubt, but I acquiesced, as I was in need of some icing down myself.

A few minutes passed, and as I lay there anticipating the coming bliss, I heard what sounded like a bic lighter being sparked. Not long after that I heard some muffled coughing and caught a whiff of what smelled like a dead skunk.

It might have been the marathon love making that killed him, it might have been the marijuana cigarette, it might have been the frying pan to the back of the head. I don't know, I'm not a doctor. What I do know is that before he started hanging out here, he was a good man, and you all made him into a monster!

His blood is on the hands of the people of this forum. Well, not his literal blood; that's on the frying pan. But his figurative blood is dripping from the hands of the people here!
bassman45 Offline
#2 Posted:
Joined: 07-05-2009
Posts: 4,082
Prayers sent!
Quilp Offline
#3 Posted:
Joined: 07-19-2013
Posts: 262
DILLIGAF?
dstieger Offline
#4 Posted:
Joined: 06-22-2007
Posts: 10,889
No doubt he's in a far better place now
dstieger Offline
#5 Posted:
Joined: 06-22-2007
Posts: 10,889
Mrs HtT,
If no body else has claimed his bass fishing gear, I get dibs
crgcpro Offline
#6 Posted:
Joined: 04-27-2012
Posts: 7,867
Not exactly Magwichesque but I guess it will do for a slow Monday!
NWStogie Offline
#7 Posted:
Joined: 07-25-2016
Posts: 736
Sentient lover. Hmm... Never saw those two words together before.
victor809 Offline
#8 Posted:
Joined: 10-14-2011
Posts: 23,866
I'm assuming a non-sentient liver is a vibrator?
victor809 Offline
#9 Posted:
Joined: 10-14-2011
Posts: 23,866
Liver = lover... f'ing keyboard
bgz Offline
#10 Posted:
Joined: 07-29-2014
Posts: 13,023
Mrs Hank, with all due respect... Tits or GTFO.

Oh, wrong forum... I mean, my condolences, Hank was a good non-sentient man.
RMAN4443 Offline
#11 Posted:
Joined: 09-29-2016
Posts: 7,683
Mrs_Hank_the_tank wrote:
So lately my husband hasn't been quite himself. I attributed most of it to stress. He's usually kind, attentive, and confident in himself. He's a strong, powerful man, and a sentient lover. When he makes love, he has a way of making a girl feel like a princess and a whore, all at the same time. It's intoxicating. But lately he's been distant, almost detached.

Well last night we were halfway through a second hour of marathon love making when ol' hung-hank said he needed a break. Uncharacteristic of him, no doubt, but I acquiesced, as I was in need of some icing down myself.

A few minutes passed, and as I lay there anticipating the coming bliss, I heard what sounded like a bic lighter being sparked. Not long after that I heard some muffled coughing and caught a whiff of what smelled like a dead skunk.

It might have been the marathon love making that killed him, it might have been the marijuana cigarette, it might have been the frying pan to the back of the head. I don't know, I'm not a doctor. What I do know is that before he started hanging out here, he was a good man, and you all made him into a monster!

His blood is on the hands of the people of this forum. Well, not his literal blood; that's on the frying pan. But his figurative blood is dripping from the hands of the people here!


Was he smoking his Mom's thong? d'oh!
gummy jones Offline
#12 Posted:
Joined: 07-06-2015
Posts: 7,969
mrs hank make sure you cast your vote on the other thread
if you vote for him to come back (to life) he will reportedly send you an elitist fiver and a thong or something
RMAN4443 Offline
#13 Posted:
Joined: 09-29-2016
Posts: 7,683
Incontinent lover????........that will put a damper on "things"
jjanecka Offline
#14 Posted:
Joined: 12-08-2015
Posts: 4,334
Damn that's bad... poor hank. Prayers Sent.
Speyside Offline
#15 Posted:
Joined: 03-16-2015
Posts: 13,106
If this is a joke it is a poor one. If this is true it is very sad.
RMAN4443 Offline
#16 Posted:
Joined: 09-29-2016
Posts: 7,683
^^^^ Agreed # 15, and I would hope to believe it's just an attempt at humor gone awry. If it is true, my condolences, and my apologies for my insensitive comments. I really never thought it could be true until you pointed out the possibility.


If it is true, will Hank be cremated in a thong?
dstieger Offline
#17 Posted:
Joined: 06-22-2007
Posts: 10,889
Speyside wrote:
If this is a joke it is a poor one. If this is true it is very sad.


What? What's sad about it?

I'm with pro....not Magwitch, but decent enough for a Monday
victor809 Offline
#18 Posted:
Joined: 10-14-2011
Posts: 23,866
Tank would want to be cremated how he lived.... in a thong...
KingoftheCove Offline
#19 Posted:
Joined: 10-08-2011
Posts: 7,600
victor809 wrote:
Liver = lover... f'ing keyboard

I wish I had a Padron for every punch line you fuqed up.
victor809 Offline
#20 Posted:
Joined: 10-14-2011
Posts: 23,866
... you're right. Google's keyboard has screwed me so many times recently....
KingoftheCove Offline
#21 Posted:
Joined: 10-08-2011
Posts: 7,600
victor809 wrote:
... you're right. Google's keyboard has screwed me so many times recently....

Glad you agree...
Send me 12 Padrons.......that should cover 2017....for now.

victor809 Offline
#22 Posted:
Joined: 10-14-2011
Posts: 23,866
Can we bargain down to 11 gurkhas?
teedubbya Offline
#23 Posted:
Joined: 08-14-2003
Posts: 95,637
well at least hank isn't trying to get attention anymore
tamapatom Offline
#24 Posted:
Joined: 03-19-2015
Posts: 7,381
Wait a minute......tell me more about the frying pan Mrs. Hank......

He stone cold dead in the market........I kill nobody but me husband......
Abrignac Offline
#25 Posted:
Joined: 02-24-2012
Posts: 17,217
Speyside wrote:
If this is a joke it is a poor one. If this is true it is very sad.


Brick wall
thurson Offline
#26 Posted:
Joined: 06-26-2004
Posts: 3,914
Lodge, Finex, Le Creuset?

I'm thinkin' Lodge, smaller handle, easier for a woman to grip. fog
ZRX1200 Offline
#27 Posted:
Joined: 07-08-2007
Posts: 60,476
So......you're saying you're single.......

Email me pics:

[email protected]
Speyside Offline
#28 Posted:
Joined: 03-16-2015
Posts: 13,106
Sarcasm
JadeRose Offline
#29 Posted:
Joined: 05-15-2008
Posts: 19,525
Can we see your clam?
mikey1597 Offline
#30 Posted:
Joined: 05-18-2007
Posts: 14,162
I gots pics of your hooters, want em back?
tripleguy Offline
#31 Posted:
Joined: 09-15-2011
Posts: 62
Mrs. Hanker,
You're 2 days late. April Fools was on Saturday. Tell Hank he can stop jerking off now. In addition, tell him he doesn't have to be such a go-getter. Coming in first AND third in a coming contest doesn't make him less of a man. I don't know the guy personally as I'm a little new to this place but from what I'm told, he left a lot of jizz lying around. He needs to come back and at least clean up.
JadeRose Offline
#32 Posted:
Joined: 05-15-2008
Posts: 19,525
tripleguy wrote:
Mrs. Hanker,
You're 2 days late. April Fools was on Saturday. Tell Hank he can stop jerking off now. In addition, tell him he doesn't have to be such a go-getter. Coming in first AND third in a coming contest doesn't make him less of a man. I don't know the guy personally as I'm a little new to this place but from what I'm told, he left a lot of jizz lying around. He needs to come back and at least clean up.




No...it's fine. He can stay gone
bgz Offline
#33 Posted:
Joined: 07-29-2014
Posts: 13,023
tripleguy wrote:
Mrs. Hanker,
You're 2 days late. April Fools was on Saturday. Tell Hank he can stop jerking off now. In addition, tell him he doesn't have to be such a go-getter. Coming in first AND third in a coming contest doesn't make him less of a man. I don't know the guy personally as I'm a little new to this place but from what I'm told, he left a lot of jizz lying around. He needs to come back and at least clean up.


Well, it's not all on him (well, most of it is).

See, he came first and third in a coming contest, but there were plenty of other participants that came behind him.

Point being, he doesn't need to come back to clean it up, outsourcing is a thing.
tonygraz Offline
#34 Posted:
Joined: 08-11-2008
Posts: 20,175
Has Drafter seen your boobs ?
victor809 Offline
#35 Posted:
Joined: 10-14-2011
Posts: 23,866
Most important question...

...did you inherit his mom's thong?
Whistlebritches Offline
#36 Posted:
Joined: 04-23-2006
Posts: 22,127
First Beyder's sister and now Hank............such tragic deaths.
mikey1597 Offline
#37 Posted:
Joined: 05-18-2007
Posts: 14,162
Had meatloaf and fried potatoes for supper,,,,, just ripped a hell of a fart.
teedubbya Offline
#38 Posted:
Joined: 08-14-2003
Posts: 95,637
I knew he was ghey but. Ever thought he'd do something so ghey.
Speyside Offline
#39 Posted:
Joined: 03-16-2015
Posts: 13,106
Sarcasm
gummy jones Offline
#40 Posted:
Joined: 07-06-2015
Posts: 7,969
mikey1597 wrote:
Had meatloaf and fried potatoes for supper,,,,, just ripped a hell of a fart.


if you were wearing a thong you could have divided that fart perfectly in half
RMAN4443 Offline
#41 Posted:
Joined: 09-29-2016
Posts: 7,683
mikey1597 wrote:
I gots pics of your cooter, want em back?



Anxious
SteveS Offline
#42 Posted:
Joined: 01-13-2002
Posts: 8,751
thurson wrote:
Lodge, Finex, Le Creuset?
I'm thinkin' Lodge, smaller handle, easier for a woman to grip.


I'm thinkin' best comment of the thread (so far) ...
victor809 Offline
#43 Posted:
Joined: 10-14-2011
Posts: 23,866
RIP Hank... long live Hank's dead mom's thong.
itsawaldo Offline
#44 Posted:
Joined: 09-10-2006
Posts: 4,221
ThumpUp
crgcpro wrote:
Not exactly Magwichesque but I guess it will do for a slow Monday!

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