So...I heard from lilgreenfrog that she has had a paranormal encounter. I really didn't pay it much mind, because she really goes in for that sort of thing: ghost tours, haunted hotels, paranormal activity, Ghostbusters 1 & 2 on VHS, etc..
I have to admit to being a little intrigued when she said she was cigar bombed from another plane of existence, but...well...it's da frog, ya know? Sometimes all you can do is nod politely. Me? I don't put much stock in all that silly hocus pocus, and generally write off talk of the ghosts as, "well, at least it's not sparkling pedophile emo vampires."
So, I nodded politely.
Nodded too hard.
Rattled the ol' gray matter.
That HAS to be what happened, because I flatly refuse to entertain the possibility that the eerie, semi-translucent package in my mailbox the other day was actually delivered from beyond the veil, as the return address indicated.
My daughter, on the other hand, shrieked ""GET THE SALT!!!" and bolted for the kitchen.
I called after her and reminded her that, unless it was a box of snails, a good, thick ring of Sriracha was likely to be a far more effective deterrent, and also please bring the box knife from the drawer.
With the unshakable calm (okay, fine - catatonia) that comes from being trapped on a bus with 53 small children and no alcohol, I sliced the shimmering package open.
My blood froze.
Inside lay something that consistently struck terror into the heart of a stalwart, 98lb German Shepherd (RIP Big Girl). She would face any danger with her head held high...except this one. This one sent her streaking to my bed to hide, leaving a trail of urine behind her.
Bubble wrap.
Oh, insidious stuff!
The Princess, however, was now feeling properly fortified with a box of Kosher salt and a recent episode of "Supernatural" queued up on Netflix for reference, and declared that we needed to "burn the bones, which are obviously inside the bubble wrap." She mercilessly ripped the offending plastic off to reveal not bones, but...
A lovely bottle of Zin and some plastic solo cups in festive colors!
(I recall now mentioning that I would forego the fancy glass and just take my much-needed vino in a red solo cup if that's what's handy)
A gift from a GHOST...
Well, damn.
Now I'm going to have to start watching that silly show with the princess!
Okay one or two episodes, max, because this was clearly a FRIENDLY ghost and her show doesn't really cover those. Maybe an ep or two of Pokemon...they have ghosty things, and I think the episodes are shorter.
Given the coincidence and the request for information recently found in my inbox, I'm fairly certain who is haunting the USPS lately.
THANK YOU, NAPALM MAN!