This is a dumb list.
It’s not the name of the cigar that bugs me. It’s the name of the vitola. You can have a dumb name for your cigar, ok, it’s cute, my outrage meter is on low, but sizes should be mostly standard. That’s why I’m booting the LCA Privada Blue Lonsdale aka No Puppets Allowed aka Chocolate Oatmeal Cookie. The size is a lonsdale. That's respectable, however regrettable the name for the cigar itself is.
I also need clarification on the Nica Libre Prensado. I don’t remember that, don’t think it’s a thing. But again, that’s the name of the line, not the size.
In no particular order, I would rank them as follows:
1. H. Upmann The Banker Annuity (My annuity just went up in smoke!). Just the champion of dumb.
2. Ashton VSG Sorcerer. (A sorcerer? Imagine it's some other product. E.g., what size shoe do you wear? Sorcerer. What? Drugs are bad for you, mmm k.)
3. Ashton Symmetry Prism. (Ashton, the most exclusive name in Dumb.)
4. Padron Exclusivo (How exclusive can they be if they'll give one to anybody with $30?)
5. A. Fuente Chateau Fuente King B (the only thing I can make out is that Kings are “big” and so is the cigar?)
6. EPC Pledge Prequel (Prequel to what? Is this the backstory for some other cigar?)
7. Tatuaje Black Label Cazadores / Joya de Nicaragua Antano Dark Corojo El Martillo / Placencia Alma Fuerte Colorado Claro (still random, but at least they dressed up their pretentiousness with some random Spanish)
8. Punch Rare Corojo Magnum (they need a smaller size named a Trojan)
9. A. Fuente Anejo Reserva #888 (I’m giving the benefit of the doubt that this is akin to an 8-5-8 and refers to the way they are packaged. Still dumb though)
10. DE MUWAT Chunky (at least it is kinda fat for a pc-ish sized cigar)
